Have you ever been so tired, just tired? Where it feels like every time you turn around, every time, there’s just no place to go. No relief. No release. No hope. You live your days trying to try. So lost that you don’t even know how to start. You want to “Rage, Rage, against the dying of the light”, but you don’t even remember what it’s like to be angry.
Where do we turn? There’s always someone who says (without even knowing), “turn to Jesus”. And you sit there, so wounded. Inside, you feel a little more of you just breaking off and disintegrating and your sadness, your despair becomes just a little more overwhelming. You are all alone. In the middle of a happy family, a busy life, seeming prosperity, you feel all alone. In the middle of a vacant room, standing in the dark, barely any light around you, not even enough to see your hand in front of your face.
Where is hope? What does it feel like? Can you tell me? Can you explain it to me so maybe I’ll know how to feel.
God tells us, “Let me be your light.” “Let me be your strength.” “Follow me.” “Let me love you.” “Let me protect you.”
In Matthew 5:14-16 Jesus says that we are the light of the world. I see us as the candle, the buildings in the city. We can exist for a purpose but if that purpose is never realized, if the candle is never lit, if there is no light in the house, how can we be the light of the world?
In 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 Paul talks about a weakness, an infirmity, a continual irritation. He speaks about crying out to God to take it from him and he gives us God’s response to his prayer. We don’t know if God ever took or from him or lightened it but we do know that God told him, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” We know that Paul then joyfully acknowledges that though this his reliance upon Christ becomes more complete.
Throughout the Bible, old and new testament, God asks us to follow Him, to do as He asks. In Jeremiah 29:11 He tells us that He thinks of us all the time. That his thoughts for us are not condemning, not accusatory, not angry but loving, hopeful, full of good. In psalms 23 He is the good shepherd. He leads His flock, his children, to good places. Sometimes through hard places yet there is always someplace better on the other side.
God wants to love us. He wants us to see His love, He wants us to understand that it is real. It is not some temporary thing fueled by hormones, or need. He wants us to understand that, Yes, he knows the real us. The us we hide away. The us that scares us because it is so raw, so full of emotion, abandonment, sorrow, anger, jealously, fear.
He wants us to know He sees us and even though we are so vile, so worthless in our own eyes, _HE_LOVES_US_.
When we are children how do we know we are loved? When we are protected.
God wants to protect us. From His first commandment “Don’t eat of the tree”, to Jesus’ prayer in the garden, to His prayer for us on the cross, His promise of a comforter, His promise of power greater than His. Through all of this God has tried again and again to teach us that He loves us. That He will protect us. That though we feel that this will never end, it is only temporary.
So with on open heart I tell you, trust in God. If you have asked him to forgive you for your sin, if you have told him that you would choose him and follow him, even if you feel like nothing has changed, You have given God permission, freedom to begin making changes in your life. And yes, some of those changes are going to hurt, but if we never allow God to pull the knife from the wound, He can’t heal the wound.
Trust Him. For He does, O, so very much, love us.